Cold coffee. I was reading through the forum, and as I kept on doing just that I hadn’t noticed my pint-sized coffee mug had turned cold as a hailstorm (in a cup)
In other words, I wish to say a big HELLO! to all you writers, literature (and coffee) drinkers out there! Though I got my hands on Scrivener some months ago, I have a project that has been sizzling about in the attic for some years now. Will post something when time comes 
Best regards,
T. Drage
Interesting thread, Molly! I recognized quite a few of the published first lines, especially the Left Hand of Darkness and The Little Prince. But I think that surly horse sounds intriguing, as does the humorous old man and the packed square awaiting the deceiver. Here is mine, from my WIP: (You can find the rest of this intro, plus the first chapter, on my blog)
If you’re curious, the link for the rest of it is here:
mary-j-59.livejournal.com/15814.html#cutid1
Which reminds me, it is high time to hand out a reverse ex libris award to matt who jokingly, but nonetheless correctly identified an opening line of mine.*
However, I should point out that was not the only opening line of mine slipped in there. Heh-heh.
~greg
** Only available in facsimile.
Culled from Wickipedia:
This kid`s a sicko!..right? 
Dear sick-k,
Let this be your on-with: When Nancy spots a cougar while out horseback riding with two friends, she shoots it dead without further adieu–a single shot right between the eyes. So, you don’t really want to mess with this girl.
Ah, but her real original source of cool comes from much simpler things than the later developments listed in Wickipedia [sic]. It is rooted in her startling independence. This is simply and effectively represented by her having her very own car (blue roadster)–which she likes to drive fast–by her being almost entirely unsupervised (no mom, and dad is forever going out of town), and by her standing up to grown-ups with a kind of unbridled ferocity.
A favorite moment: Nancy seeks permission from her father to go stay at an old mansion where someone is breaking in and sneaking around at night. Her father, as always, is conveniently leaving town on business. His line (roughly): “I don’t know, Nancy, it might be dangerous…Here, you better take my revolver.”
Aw gee, dad, you’re the best!
-Greg
Yeeeaahh!!! Thats what I said!! Sicko :open_mouth: Theres no…yknow...thingy...no... what dycallit! Ananother thing…theres no wottttsit...is th. I mean… what the fecks the boyfriend doin, while shes doin all the sick stuff? Hes probably balls deep into S&M, and sniffin around her best buddy, which is normal…init?
Sick t`me 
I know discussing Nancy Drew with you is a losing proposition, stic-k, but I feel I should straighten you out: the real ND does not have a boyfriend. The boyfriend later in the series is a lame manifestion of a meddling editor who wanted ND to be more “girly” and “domestic”–and not so kick-butt independent.
Don’t believe everything you read in the Wickedpedia.
–Greg
There is no evidence that that broad was anything but a sicko! Not once has she ever said : youtube.com/watch?v=0hpiAcW99yc
I rest my case M` Lud 
I think that Mr K is demonstrating the technique commonly referred to as “pot calling kettle black”. In some cultures this technique is referred as “takes one to know one” or, in rare occasions, the “man in the mirror” syndrome.
In any event, Mr K. has previously established that he is intimately familiar with what it takes to be labeled “sicko”. All the personal experience…
I am feeling neglected! No one had anything to say about my first line, nor, indeed, about my first chapter. 
OTOH, I quite agree that the line about Nancy Drew was fascinating. it’s also true that the original Nancy was a lot more liberated than some of her later iterations. You can see the same thing in Hitchcock; the original, 1930s Man Who Knew Too Much featured a determined, alert little girl and a sharpshooter mother. In the 1950s revision, the girl was replaced by a boy, and the mother got to scream and sing rather than shoot bad guys. Interesting!
Be careful what you which for, Mr K may show up.
More first line comments: (Thank you, Mary, for drawing my attention to that I had missed 'em!)
Interests me, but it really depends on where you go from here.
I’ve already told y’ what I think o’ this. If I may sum it up for the public view so mary won’t feel so singled out:
“When” may be the wrong subordinating conjunction in that first sentence, since it makes it sound like she found out by sticking her hand in. “Before” might work better.
Cut the first two commas from the third sentence. That’s a prepositional phrase, and the commas disconnect it from its subject.
Those last two sentences are fragments, in case you didn’t know, and that latter one is vague about whether it refers to the horse or the lady. (Note that the “her” referred to prior to that fragment was the lady.)
Ah, erm. Hrm-haw. This is going to sound mighty strange and blunt, okay?
My first thought is that this line can’t stand by itself. It needs to be surrounded by more so I could tell for sure, but I think you’re still working on developing your writing style. Possibly younger or newer to the world of writing as a hobby, and if you’ve worked on style itself, I’d guess it’s only in the past five years.
The line strikes me as bland, forgettable. I read it, then thought about something else, then came back and had to reread it to make my comment. When I skim some more paragraphs, the situation sounds interesting, but I’m not feeling drawn into it. I think you could benefit from someone revising a section for you to demonstrate how the same scene can be displayed in different ways. If you’d be open to such a thing.
I intend this nicely, mary. I hope you don’t take offense.
I’ll give you an opening line of my own to rip to pieces as a peace offering. I recently wrote the short story “Romeo and Jillian” for a friendly competition over on Patricia Briggs’ fan forums, and include the link if you want to see and mock the rest. (And yes, I only dish out what I can accept in return.)
-'Dee
Line 1: replace “overflowed” with “flowed freely” or maybe “freely flowed”
Line 2: replace “neglected to notice” with “were beyond noticing” or maybe “refused to notice”
But there may be things further in that makes this unacceptable.
considers Line 1, I can see your point enough that I’ll have to consider that, though I really don’t want an adverb there. Line 2, your suggestions change the meaning overmuch. Do you not like that because it sounds wrong, or just because it sounds odd?
Why not?
I think ,'…failed to notice… more than adequately fits the bill. Unless there was some, pre mentioned requirement, for them to pay attention to her.
My first line:
vic
Neglected seems to … passive. And it is awkward. As in not smooth. If the passive “mistake” type meaning is needed then maybe simply “didn’t” would be an option. Sounds like there are good reasons for neglected though.
Oh man, now I am soooo confused. 
Its all right Mary feeling neglected, and you being confused, I feel as if Im being boycotted whenever I put my sensible hat on! 
Neglected/Boycotted of Stockport
Line: Raucous laughter spilled from men and women both as the wine overflowed.
Notice the adjective-noun-verb sets. I want to keep that parallelism, if at all possible.
I will ponder that “neglected”. “Failed” is a good alternative, if I can’t figure out something better. Hm.
Thanks, ya’ll.
coughNo comma!cough A-HEM. Excuse me. Frog in my throat. Not triggered by your split subject and verb, no sir. :mrgreen:
(To make it obvious, cut the extra modifiers: “Her state was attributable…”)