Thinkers Anonymous

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Orpheus
Posts: 148
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Platform: Mac
Location: Lost in the material world.

Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:10 pm Post

Thinkers Anonymous

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -
to loosen up, I guess. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and
soon I was more than just a social thinker.

Gradually, I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - though deep
inside I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me. After a while, I was thinking
all the time. I began thinking at work too. I knew that thinking and
employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends
at lunchtime. I would sneak off and read Kafka and Thoreau. I would return
to the office noticeably confused and asking things like "what is it,
exactly, we are doing here??"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I turned off the
TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. Needless to say, she spent
that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me into
his office. "I like you," he said "and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job,
I'll have to let you go."

This gave me a lot to think about.


I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed
"I have been thinking."

"I know you have been thinking," she said "and I want a divorce!"

"But honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious" she said, her low lip aquiver. "You think as much as a
college professor, and college professors don't make any money! If you don't
stop thinking we are sure to wind up in the poor-house!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She began to cry. I'd had
enough. "I'm going to the library!" I snarled as I stomped out of the house.
I headed straight for the library with my appetite whetted for some
Nietzsche. I almost hit a pedestrian as I franticly roared into the parking
lot. I ran up to the glass doors, but to my horror, they didn't open. I sank
to the ground, cursing the uncaring glass entrance, and whimpering for
Zarathustra. Just then a poster caught my eye. It read: "Friend, is heavy
thinking ruining your life?"

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today - a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was
a Vin Diesel film. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking
since the last meeting. I still have my job. And things are a lot better at
home. Life just seems easier, somehow, ever since I quit thinking.
"If you lose your wealth you have lost nothing. If you lose your health you have lost something. But, if you lose your character you have lost everything." Chanakya Pandit

di
dipa
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Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:40 am Post

To be fair, Vin Diesel was in Saving Private Ryan. :lol:

Dr
Dr Dog
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Location: North Norfolk Coast
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Fri Jul 05, 2019 4:06 pm Post

Orpheus wrote:Thinkers Anonymous

Which is why I am what I am today - a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was
a Vin Diesel film. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking
since the last meeting. I still have my job. And things are a lot better at
home. Life just seems easier, somehow, ever since I quit thinking.


Nice. You're now qualified to become a UK MP.

(Ever since I resigned my university tenure in my late 40's I have described myself as a non-fiction writer, recovering academic).
Developmental Editor, Historian of Medicine, Keeper of Deerhounds

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xiamenese
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Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:32 am
Platform: Mac
Location: London or Exeter, UK.

Sat Jul 06, 2019 3:47 am Post

Dr Dog wrote:
Orpheus wrote:Thinkers Anonymous

Which is why I am what I am today - a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA
meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was
a Vin Diesel film. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking
since the last meeting. I still have my job. And things are a lot better at
home. Life just seems easier, somehow, ever since I quit thinking.


Nice. You're now qualified to become a UK MP.

(Ever since I resigned my university tenure in my late 40's I have described myself as a non-fiction writer, recovering academic).

:lol:
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kewms
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Sat Jul 06, 2019 6:00 am Post

Credit where credit is due. The earliest reference I found was from 1998, but it probably predates the web.
http://www.physics.sfsu.edu/~dnidever/h ... /joke2.htm
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EM
EMPisek
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Sat Jul 13, 2019 2:01 am Post

Just replace Thinker with Drinker and.....
:arrow: I'm not just a tester,.. I'm a user :!: