Alternative to P. Fender's collaborative novel

mi
michaelbywater
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Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:08 pm Post

So nobody puts their money where their mouth is.

Fine.

Plan B: Great Novels for Busy People, in 1 minute. My opening submission:

"BOOM!"

Then silence.

'Thank God that's over' said Pierre."

-- War & Peace by N. Tolstoy.

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pigfender
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Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:26 pm Post

"I hate Christmas," grumbled Scrooge whilst counting his money.
"Are you sure? Most people think it's pretty ok," said three ghosts in quick succession.
"Well, I'm convinced!" laughed Scrooge. "Presents for everyone!"

A Christmas Carol
by C. Dickens
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"Some dice only have sixes." nom, 19 Oct 2013
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AmberV
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Mon Aug 22, 2011 11:50 pm Post

riverrun, the whorld sum thaughed yawnandstretch gout
bababadalgraraghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk!
—Smoke and coke choke! sagd heaved wefting stinks, a long the

Finnegans Wake, (Rev. 8,911), J. Joyce
.:.
Ioa Petra'ka
“Whole sight, or all the rest is desolation.” —John Fowles

PJ
PJS
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Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:49 am Post

Weather today? Damp, awfully damp.
Outlook? Summerson, eventually.

Bleak House, Dickens

ps
You can't conquer stupid — or cure it — with more stupid.

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vic-k
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Tue Aug 23, 2011 6:48 am Post

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must always be wanting his end away.
Jane Austen: Pride & Prejudice, Chapter I of Volume I
As a professional, you, are your one and only asset. Without integrity you are worthless, but with it, you are priceless.

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KB
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Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:34 pm Post

What a lovely doctor! Epic romance must surely follow.
What a lovely cad! Epic romance must surely follow.
What a lovely student! Epic romance must surely follow.
Arse, I've maxed out hubby's credit cards - I'm ruined.
Pass me the arsenic - a romantic death must surely follow.
Cue black bile.

-- Madame Bovary, Gustav Flaubert
"You can't waltz in here, use my toaster, and start spouting universal truths without qualification."

mi
michaelbywater
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Fri Sep 09, 2011 3:09 pm Post

KB wrote:What a lovely doctor! Epic romance must surely follow.
What a lovely cad! Epic romance must surely follow.
What a lovely student! Epic romance must surely follow.
Arse, I've maxed out hubby's credit cards - I'm ruined.
Pass me the arsenic - a romantic death must surely follow.
Cue black bile.

-- Madame Bovary, Gustav Flaubert


And after a further pass:

Phwoar! Phwoar! Phwoar! Uh-oh. Yuk. Aaargh. [THUD]

br
brookter
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Tue Sep 13, 2011 6:33 am Post

Student: I'm feeling superior today. Bet I can get away with murder.
Detective: Nyet.
Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevski


"C''est formidable, n'est-ce pas?" said M. Rougon, sipping his champagne and bourgeoisly contemplating further ways to increase his fortune at the expense of the people. "Dieu merci pour mes genes."
Les Rougon-Macquart, Books 2, 4, .... 20, Emile Zola

"Pas down here with the proles, mon cousin," said M. et Mme Macquart. "Passe-nous un autre absinthe, it's dark down here in the mine."
Les Rougon-Macquart, Books 1, 3, 5 .... 19, Emile Zola

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KB
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Tue Sep 13, 2011 12:19 pm Post

Staring at the sea
Staring at the sand
Killing an Arab
...Oh, wait, that one's been done already...
"You can't waltz in here, use my toaster, and start spouting universal truths without qualification."

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pigfender
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Mon Sep 19, 2011 4:09 pm Post

Don't eat any place where the menu is laminated or translated into two or more different languages. Try the pasta in tomato sauce.

"Italy for the Gourmet Traveller"
by Fred Plotkin
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"Some dice only have sixes." nom, 19 Oct 2013
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robertdguthrie
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Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:06 pm Post

Bilbo: Oh look, a ring!
Gandalf: Magic rings are bad. Give it to your adopted nephew.
Frodo: Oh look, a ring!
Gandalf, Elrond, et al: Take it to Mt. Doom & throw it into the lava there.
Gollum: Oh look, my ring!
Frodo: Ow! you bit off my finger!
Gollum: I have the ring again! *happy dance* *falls into lava with ring*
Sauron: Oh no, my ring! *Blinks. Single fiery tear*

"The Hobbit + Lord of the Rings"
by J.R.R. Tolkien
Often wrong, rarely in doubt.
Time for a change... I'm now rdale; same dog-avatar, same dog... channel?

br
brookter
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Fri Oct 07, 2011 2:38 pm Post

Juno: Give the apple to another Goddess, would you? Take that you lousy Trojans!
Venus: Oi, Aeneas. Stop flirting with that tart Dido and get over to Italy.
Aeneas: But Mum - you were the one who set me up with her!
Venus: Never mind that, young hero-my-lad, you've got a city to found! Oh, and pop in and see your old dead dad while you're on the way.

[Many books later]
Aeneas: Right, that's them all killed. Should be a piece of piss to found Rome here now.
Vergil: But you're still not as good as Augustus.

Vergil: The Aeneid.

ba
bayamo
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Fri Oct 07, 2011 4:19 pm Post

Say! I like green eggs and ham! I do! I like them, Sam-I-am! And I would eat them in a boat. And I would eat them with a goat...and I will eat them in the rain. And in the dark. And on a train. And in a car. And in a tree. They are so good, so good, you see!
So I will eat them in a box. And I will eat them with a fox. And I will eat them in a house. And I will eat them with a mouse. And I will eat them here and there. Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!
I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!

Dr. Seuss, Green Eggs and Ham

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bargonzo
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Fri Oct 07, 2011 4:37 pm Post

Random British girl, WWII: Hey, Slothrop, you're hot! Let's do it!
Slothrop: Okay.
(Boff, boff, boff, boff)
Say, what's that sound?
(A screaming comes across the sky.)


Gravity's Rainbow
by Thomas Pynchon
Imagine this very elaborate scientific lie: that sound cannot travel through outer space. Well, but suppose it can.

Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow

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pigfender
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Wed Oct 12, 2011 8:46 am Post

████████████████████████
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██████████████████████████████████
██████████████

"███████" by the Literature & Latte forum members (Written as a Novel In A Day)
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"Some dice only have sixes." nom, 19 Oct 2013
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