Some things you should NEVER do.

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Wock
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:54 pm Post

(1) Fry Chicken in the nude.
(2) Blow dry your hair in the shower while the water is on.
(3) Eat Mexican Food before going on a long romantic retreat under the covers.
(4) Tell your wife she looks fat in ANYTHING.
(5) Never wear a Speedo if you can't see past your belly button.
(6) Put you hand in the garbage disposal while arguing with your wife when she is standing next to the switch.
(7) Look down the barrel of a loaded gun while your finger is on the trigger.
(8) Change a light fixture (wiring) while the electricity is on.
(9) Argue with the only person holding the gun.
(10) Point a soft drink at your eye while opening.
(11) Dance naked in front of your pets.
(12) Hit on your wife's sister
(13) Ask a man if he is lost. He will always lie.
(14) Feed a baby chilli
(15) Feed a dog chocolate
(16) Feed a cat hallucinogens
(17) Feed a rabbit carrots soaked in vodka
(18) Never berate someone BEFORE they prepare your food.
(19) Don't run out of toilet paper when you suffer from the flu.
(20) forget to back up your work.
(21) Take the tag off your mattress.
(22) never trust tinfoil to block the government from listening to your thoughts.
(23) never trust someone wearing tinfoil on their head.
The wheel is turning but the hamster is still dead.

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KB
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:08 pm Post

24) Hold a chicken in the air.
25) Stick a deck-chair up your nose.
26) Buy a jumbo jet.
27) Bury all your clothes.
28) Paint your left knee green.
29) Extract your wisdom teeth.
30) Form a string quartet.
31) Pretend your name is...

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Siren
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:14 pm Post

KEVIN !!!!!

Ha ha" :D
Literature & Latte support team

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KB
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:28 pm Post

Grr.

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Wock
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:45 pm Post

(32) Drink Cheap Beer the night before a long road trip.
(33) Get into a car that has leather seats in the middle of summer wearing nothing but a smile.
(34) Burp a national anthem
(35) Hug an angry porcupine.
(36) Not call 911 when your drink friend says "Hey beau watch this!".
The wheel is turning but the hamster is still dead.

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vic-k
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:47 pm Post

No wonder you don`t like it when people call you Kevin! It makes you sound like a software developer. :shock:

Wock`s suffering from boredom again tch! tch!. When`s the next Election?
As a professional, you, are your one and only asset. Without integrity you are worthless, but with it, you are priceless.

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AmberV
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 9:11 pm Post

Everyone needs,

Image

just a little tenderness! Look how cute. You know she wants a hug.

37. Jump off of a cliff intending to catch the edge like they do in the movies.
38. Deep-fry a partially thawed turkey.
39. Become a Scientologist.
40. Pack a Koran and a car battery in the same suit-case and try to fly to the U.S.
41. Attempt to escape an angry driver by running straight.
42. Try to see if you could theoretically break your thumb "for reals".
43. Try to rob a liquor store through the roof. Without a ladder. Drunk.
.:.
Ioa Petra'ka
“Whole sight, or all the rest is desolation.” —John Fowles

PJ
PJS
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Tue Mar 10, 2009 11:14 pm Post

One of my favorite websites is devoted to exactly this subject.

http://www.darwinawards.com/

ps
You can't conquer stupid — or cure it — with more stupid.

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Jaysen
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Wed Mar 11, 2009 11:33 am Post

44. Post entries in forums listing the things one should never do.
45. Read the lists mentioned on #44.
Jaysen

I have a wife and 2 kids that I can only attribute to a wiggle, a giggle, and the realization that she was out of my league so I might as well be happy with her as a friend. 26 years marriage later, I can't imagine life without her. -Me 10/7/09

ImageImage

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Eldritch
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Wed Mar 11, 2009 11:36 am Post

(51) Skip numeracy classes.
(53) Rub chilli paste in your pants before putting on.
(49) Make a collection of your toenail clippings.
(53) Publicly display your toenail clipping collection.
(54) Promote your bare posterior as a bicycle stand.
(47) Tell a homicidal axe maniac his breath stinks.
(52) Accept a neck massage off a vulcan.
(50) Eat chewing gum found stuck under seats.
(46) Use cat litter as a muesli replacement.
(48) Tell a policewoman you'd be happy to give her your swollen goods.
When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.
--Raymond Chandler

Ve
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Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:44 pm Post

(498) Ask a gorilla to make change for your $1000 bill
(499) Ride a bicycle without a saddle
(500) Attend a hockey game with a squirrel
(501) Listen to Brittany Spears
(502) (If you're from the U.S.) Vote Republican
(503) Make political comments like #502 in an open, nonpolitical forum
(504) Question Amber's technical acumen
(505) Sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" at a job interview
(506) Visit an army recruiting station drunk and immediately after your girlfriend dumps you
(507) Walk the streets of Bahgdad with a Bush/Chenney campaign button on your lapel
(508) Laugh out loud when your new Organic Chemistry professor enters the classroom
(509) Tatoo your ATM PIN code on the back of your hand
(510) Drop 5000 Alka Seltzer tablets into the jacuzzi
(511) Answer the personal ad of someone using the alias "Needy Bitch"
(512) Set up your tent at a weasel convention
(513) Include the word "embezzlement" on your resume
(514) Carry lighter fluid to a meeting of Pyromaniacs Anonymous
(515) Start creating a list of things you should NEVER do, because it is kind of addicting and you have work to do

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Wock
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Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:35 pm Post

(a) Spike the coffee with shine at an AA meeting.
(b) dress up like a grand wizard for the KKK on halloween night and go trick or treating in Harlem.
(c) Drive you car/truck backward through a busy fast food drive through on a saturday night.
(d) put a prescription bottle with the letters GHB written on the front on the bar at a singles club.
(e) syphon gas while lighting a cigarette.
(f) Wear knee pads to a gay bar.
(g) Never say the word "Farfignuggen" at the sight of a traumatic automobile crash
The wheel is turning but the hamster is still dead.

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Jaysen
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Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:21 pm Post

504 is the only one in this list that really matters.
Last edited by Jaysen on Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Jaysen

I have a wife and 2 kids that I can only attribute to a wiggle, a giggle, and the realization that she was out of my league so I might as well be happy with her as a friend. 26 years marriage later, I can't imagine life without her. -Me 10/7/09

ImageImage

Ve
Vermonter17032
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Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:36 pm Post

Jaysen wrote:505 is the only one in this list that really matters.


Did you mean 504? If so, agreed!

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Wock
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Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:37 pm Post

Jaysen wrote:505 is the only one in this list that really matters.


I don't know I am kinda partial to 35 (Nice pic Amber!)
The wheel is turning but the hamster is still dead.