Fri Mar 12, 2010 6:40 am Post
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Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:59 pm Post
Jimmy Smithers ... got such a fright that he sprayed his mouthful all over Mr. Blythe, who ... was now busying himself with his napkin trying in vain to remove the masticated mess from his glasses, his face, the front of his sports jacket, the sleeves of his sports jacket, and practically every exposed area of his person from table height up. He was failing miserably.
Sat Mar 13, 2010 1:26 am Post
druid wrote:You say it's set in the 50s, but not where. Sounds like the UK or else an old Crown colony. To my ear, the style is reminiscent of P. G. Wodehouse, or S. J. Perelman: arch, baroque, feux-fustian. It may still be pleasing to many, but it definitely sounds dated, if that's the effect you want.
vic-k wrote:I wondering if there`s a reason for not identifying, the hairy miscreant, since all the other characters are pretty well defined and named.
Sat Mar 13, 2010 1:32 am Post
Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:23 am Post
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Sat Mar 13, 2010 3:26 pm Post
Hugh wrote:Just one thought: I like the long sentences, which of course add greatly to the effect you're striving for, but I would have varied their structure more — too many go "Noun or proper noun, verb..." Even an odd adverb such as "Meanwhile" heading a sentence or two in the second paragraph mightn't come amiss.
Carradee wrote:I did find what you put up interesting (until you went into so much detail about the banker).
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