How many fiction writers do we have here?

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naquada
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Sun Apr 22, 2012 10:17 pm Post

Sin wrote:naquada: There are some grammatical issues in the paragraph. For example, the first two sentences contain comma splices. Also, be careful about "its" and "it's", such as in "Its those moments..." and "...it's old age".

I notice you use the word "quite" a lot. Truthfully, it's a meaningless modifier. It's one of those words we don't realize we are using. Scan your manuscript and see how often "quite" appears.

Unless the story will transition into a scene on grandma's front door step, I would recommend summarizing the metaphor a little. Otherwise, it may get a little confusing, no pun intended.

The text in red is what I would recommend omitting. These are all just suggestions. Take 'em or leave 'em.


thanks Sin... much appreciated... Noted the suggestions... :)
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ka
kaly
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Wed May 02, 2012 5:33 am Post

These are the opening lines in (the prologue) my novel 'The Sorcerer of Mandala'.

It happened, not in a parallel universe, but in an orthogonal one where credibility can be stretched even after it snaps, where disbelief can not only be suspended, but hung and quartered as well.

kaly

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brookter
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Wed May 02, 2012 6:21 am Post

A minor point, but 'suspended' and 'hung' are essentially the same concept. The original punishment was 'hanged, drawn and quartered', so couldn't you say: '...disbelief can not only be suspended, but drawn and quartered as well.'?

David

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kaly
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Wed May 02, 2012 6:32 am Post

Thanks David. Completely valid point. Much appreciated
kaly

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Jaysen
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Wed May 02, 2012 12:41 pm Post

Why does David know so much about ancient torture?
Jaysen

I have a wife and 2 kids that I can only attribute to a wiggle, a giggle, and the realization that she was out of my league so I might as well be happy with her as a friend. 26 years marriage later, I can't imagine life without her. -Me 10/7/09

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vic-k
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Wed May 02, 2012 1:32 pm Post

Jaysen wrote:Why does David know so much about ancient torture?
Cos he supports Sale Sharks Rugby Union Football Club...and they're a bag o' old runbbin' rags. :(
That's torture enough for any man!
Vic
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Jaysen
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Wed May 02, 2012 1:35 pm Post

vic-k wrote:… a bag o' old runbbin' rags …

I'm sure there is some context here which is lost in the cross pond language barrier, but this sounds like some type of southern barbecue seasoning.

Wock, do you have any of this in your cupboard?
Jaysen

I have a wife and 2 kids that I can only attribute to a wiggle, a giggle, and the realization that she was out of my league so I might as well be happy with her as a friend. 26 years marriage later, I can't imagine life without her. -Me 10/7/09

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Fluff
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Wed May 02, 2012 2:01 pm Post

There you go, Master Jaysen...a bag of rubbing rags! (hand rags)
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pigfender
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Wed May 02, 2012 2:56 pm Post

Jaysen wrote:Why does David know so much about ancient torture?


Whad'ys mean, "ancient"? :wink:

These things are on the National Curriculum in British schools. The stuff we used to do over here makes Poe look distinctly unimaginative.

EDITED: Crap. I mean "they used to do over there".
Last edited by pigfender on Wed May 02, 2012 3:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Jaysen
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Wed May 02, 2012 2:59 pm Post

Mr pig,

I am ware that you are likely to have been around when drawing and quartering was a new form of crime control, but that does not change the fact that it is an ancient form of torture. Even mr K seems to grasp that concept. Which means that you may want to schedule a session with nom to make sure your grey matter is still grey.
Jaysen

I have a wife and 2 kids that I can only attribute to a wiggle, a giggle, and the realization that she was out of my league so I might as well be happy with her as a friend. 26 years marriage later, I can't imagine life without her. -Me 10/7/09

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pigfender
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Wed May 02, 2012 3:00 pm Post

Jaysen wrote:you are likely to have been around when drawing and quartering was a new form of crime control,


haha
younger than you!
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Jaysen
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Wed May 02, 2012 3:46 pm Post

pigfender wrote:
Jaysen wrote:you are likely to have been around when drawing and quartering was a new form of crime control,


haha
younger than you!

So then I am the voice of experience. Right?

:)
Jaysen

I have a wife and 2 kids that I can only attribute to a wiggle, a giggle, and the realization that she was out of my league so I might as well be happy with her as a friend. 26 years marriage later, I can't imagine life without her. -Me 10/7/09

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br
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Wed May 02, 2012 5:56 pm Post

Jaysen wrote:Why does David know so much about ancient torture?


I read a lot of ancient and medieval history and it's difficult to read more than a couple of pages without finding someone being unkind to someone else -- think 'And Now For That Latte', but with added codpieces...

As for Vic K's aspersions on Sale Sharks Rugby Club -- he's only jealous because they're moving to a new stadium miles from Stockport. Now the tourists will have no reason to visit the town any more...

AND... a nation which invented Dick Van Dyke's accent in Mary Poppins and the I Love Lucy Show has no room to criticise other countries' taste in cruel and unusual punishments....

David

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Wed Aug 15, 2012 12:06 pm Post

I will share the opening sentence of my novel here. However, for contextual purposes, I must say what you are reading is a sign held by a homeless person.

DON’T BE CURIOUS INSTEAD BE ALARMED FOR ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEMS THE WORLD IS IN TROUBLE BUT ALMOST NO ONE WILL KNOW HOW IT STARTS OR HOW IT ENDS UNTIL TOO LATE!

Yes, I'm aware that it screams at you, but homeless people with crazed ideas about the end of the world tend to make their signs do that. (No, that's not the second line, that's my commentary.) :)
"It aint why, it just is." -Van Morrison

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Mon Dec 03, 2012 5:16 pm Post

Here's the opening sentence of the novel I just finished (the first draft of) in Scrivener: it's Laundry Files #5 (published by Ace in the US and Orbit in the UK), "The Rhesus Chart":

"Don't be silly, Bob," said Mo: "everybody knows vampires don't exist."

(That's also the sum total of the pitch I sold the book on. Over dinner with the editor who'd bought the preceding four, admittedly, but there's nothing like a good hook line for getting their attention!)

((Three guesses what the novel's about. Hint: begins with a "v"!))