Sin wrote:naquada: There are some grammatical issues in the paragraph. For example, the first two sentences contain comma splices. Also, be careful about "its" and "it's", such as in "Its those moments..." and "...it's old age".
I notice you use the word "quite" a lot. Truthfully, it's a meaningless modifier. It's one of those words we don't realize we are using. Scan your manuscript and see how often "quite" appears.
Unless the story will transition into a scene on grandma's front door step, I would recommend summarizing the metaphor a little. Otherwise, it may get a little confusing, no pun intended.
The text in red is what I would recommend omitting. These are all just suggestions. Take 'em or leave 'em.
thanks Sin... much appreciated... Noted the suggestions...