Down Madagascar Way: A Pyrate Odyssey

kl
klcorridon
Posts: 311
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:38 pm
Platform: Mac
Location: Eugene, OR

Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:55 am Post

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-UdQlc ... dyExfLIm_I

CHARACTERS
WILLIAM "BLOODY BILL" The Captain
MAD OTIS The Quartermaster
BLACK JACQUES The Sailing Master
BARKIS The Gunner
CLEROW A Pyrate
SEXTUS A Second Pyrate
EVELYN A Third Pyrate

ACT [1]
SCENE [1]
(The Pyrate ship Dragon's Breath. The Quartermaster approaches Captain William, A.K.A "Bloody Bill".)

MAD OTIS
Captain!

BLOODY BILL
Ah Mad Otis, me laddie, it won't be long before Madagascar's on the horizon.

MAD OTIS
But we always go to Madagascar, Captain Bloody Bill, sir. Why can't we go somewhere else?

BLOODY BILL
Because that's where pyrates go. There's no law there, save the pyrates's code.

MAD OTIS
And our ship's Articles.

BLOODY BILL
Aye... What are ye getting at, then, Mad Otis?

MAD OTIS
Me and some of the boyos thought we'd like to come up here and play some cards.

BLOODY BILL
But it's me quarterdeck, and I'm using it.

MAD OTIS
So what? A pyrate captain's useless except in battle.

BLOODY BILL
You're gonna occupy me quarterdeck?! Ye scalawag!

MAD OTIS
We're a democracy on board this ship! We can vote for a new captain anytime we want!

BLOODY BILL
Not that again! I thought we were mates, you and I.

MAD OTIS
It's been a fortnight since we've had a debate, and as Quartermaster of the Dragon's Breath, it's my right to convene one!

BLOODY BILL
Ye gods!
(Bill and Otis move stage left)

MAD OTIS
Hey, lads! It's time for a debate!

(enter jubilant: Black Jacques, Barkis, Clerow, Evelyn, Sextus. they take positions stage right. Barkis is festooned with pistols)

BLACK JACQUES
I demand a place! I finished third last time!
(he moves to stage left)

MAD OTIS
Right, then, Black Jacques, as Sailing Master yer in. Gunner Barkis, ye dog, you're the moderator today.


BARKIS
Bloody Bill, I put it to you that you're out of touch with the common sailor, that you don't understand what plunder means to the average pyrate, and that you might not lead us to the spoils we deserve.

BLOODY BILL
It's a pack of lies, it is! Every man's share from this voyage will be at least a thousand pounds, I'll wager me own share against it!

MAD OTIS
Big talk is easy for the man that gets a double share. This just proves how out of touch you are.

BLACK JACQUES
We should spend more on sails, and less on gunpowder and victuals.

BLOODY BILL
Yes, of course we need better sails, but without food there'll be no men to set them! And the two o' ye gets a share and a half apiece, so spare me that 'poor sailor from Cardiff' rot.

EVELYN
And you, sir, you so-called 'Bloody Bill', I say that you are neither an Englishman nor a Protestant!

BLOODY BILL
Evelyn, the crew knows me family hails from Belfast.

BARKIS
Belay that, Evelyn! I'll be askin' the questions 'round here.

CLEROW
(makes a thumbs-down gesture)
We want to vote on that, too.

BARKIS
Clerow! Don't make yer Gunner angry. He has guns. Lots of them.

BLACK JACQUES
Why aren't we attacking the Spanish ships anymore? Yer turnin' yella, Bloody Bill.

BLOODY BILL
No, they're our new allies. We despise the French now.

BLACK JACQUES
Since when?!

BLOODY BILL
Since Parliament hired that Dutch git to play at being king!

SEXTUS
(points dramaticaly)
Godless! All of ye! Heathen!

BLOODY BILL
No, Sextus, 'tis the heathen that we'll be preyin' upon. All the silks, spices, gold and gems of the Mogul himelf! There's ye stimulus package, me hearties!

SEXTUS
Filthy, godless, heathen stimulus! My favorite kind.

CLEROW
Why do you get ninety-nine per cent of the deck?

BARKIS
Mateys, you're askin' for skullduggery if ye don't pipe down! You'll get your votes!

EVELYN
Last time Black Jacques made corn dogs. I'm hungry.

BLOODY BILL
All of ye have gone mad! There's still work to be done before we gain the booty!

MAD OTIS
Everyone knows that I represent traditional pyrate values.

BLACK JACQUES
(covers his mouth and giggles)

BLOODY BILL
Whot?! Ye've three wenches in every port, ye greedy bastard!

MAD OTIS
(turning quite smug)
I have been shriven.
(now righteously indignant)
And you're a scurvy dog just for sayin' it!

BLOODY BILL
I can't believe I'm seein' the day that we became enemies. Besides, ye'll be needing loot feed all the bairns yer leavin' in yer wake.

MAD OTIS
I'll see ye keel-hauled for that, I will!

BLOODY BILL
You and what navy?

BARKIS
So it's got to be a duel, then.

BLOODY BILL
Are ye mad as well?!

BLACK JACQUES
But there's three of us!

BARKIS
Black Jacques, ye know ye'll never get the votes.
(Barkis produces two pistols)
Let's just get on with it.
(Barkis hands the pistols over)
Gentlemen, try not to miss.
(Bloody Bill and Mad Otis take the pistols and stand back to back)

MAD OTIS
This doesn't feel very democratic.

BLOODY BILL
I thought we were a republic?

MAD OTIS
Madagascar can't get here soon enough.
(he turns to look at Bill)
Same time next week?

BLOODY BILL
(warily)
Aye... It's going to be a long voyage, isn't it?
I may be an Idiot, but I'm no Fool...
For Maura, 4/7/59-11/21/09... My Muse, my Heroine, my Editor, my Patron. All that I have achieved as a writer is because of her.

Hu
Hugh
Posts: 2444
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2007 12:05 pm
Platform: Mac
Location: UK

Wed Feb 08, 2012 1:41 pm Post

:lol: Nice.
P.S. Sounds to me just like the GOP primaries.
'Listen, some quiet night, when you've shirked your work that day. Do you hear
that distant, almost inaudible clicking sound? That's one of your
competitors, working away in the night in
Paris or London or Erie, PA.'

kl
klcorridon
Posts: 311
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:38 pm
Platform: Mac
Location: Eugene, OR

Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:35 pm Post

Hugh wrote::lol: Nice.
P.S. Sounds to me just like the GOP primaries.


It is an election year... I may get another sketch or two out of this before November. :P
I may be an Idiot, but I'm no Fool...
For Maura, 4/7/59-11/21/09... My Muse, my Heroine, my Editor, my Patron. All that I have achieved as a writer is because of her.