The Clown in the Cloaca

kl
klcorridon
Posts: 311
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:38 pm
Platform: Mac
Location: Eugene, OR

Thu May 05, 2011 7:16 pm Post

Scene 1
Down in the sewer. Special Agent Benson and Forensic Anthropologist Wright are investigating a crime scene. Wright is kneeling down, examining the remains of the victim.

Agent Benson
We find them too many of them in the sewer…
What can you tell me?

FA Wright
Male… late 40’s… signs of blunt force trauma to the head… elongated feet…

Agent Benson
That’s something we’re looking for, right?

FA Wright
I’m looking for the truth.
(Wright reaches in and picks up something with the forceps)
This is foam rubber… and there’s signs of make-up or face paint.


Agent Benson
Is it homicide?

FA Wright
This was no accident. And it didn’t happen here.

Agent Benson
Was he…

FA Wright
We’ll have to get the remains back to the lab, but yes, he was a clown.

Agent Benson
Another one. We may have a serial killer on our hands.

(Wright stands up. Benson and Wright remain on stage for transition to Scene 2)
Scene 2
The Institute. Benson, FA Wright, Technician Thompson. Thompson enters to make his report.

Technician Thompson
He was beaten to death with a large, flexible object. Our experiments indicate that the marks are consistent with what is sometime known as a ‘Clown Bat’.

Agent Benson
Clown on clown violence?

Technician Thompson
It’s a strong possibility.

Agent Benson
I may have a suspect. Do you have a positive ID?




FA Wright
Let’s see if we’ve got results on dental records.
(Wright goes over to a computer terminal)
William Stern… stage name Zu Zu the Clown.

Agent Benson
I’ll bring the guy in.

(Benson remains on stage. Clowny enters and sits on chair for transition to Scene 3.)
Scene 3
FBI Headquarters. Interrogation room. Benson and Clowny.

Agent Benson
Clowny the Clown… I need to ask you some questions about Zu Zu.

Clowny
That bum? I’m here because of him?

Agent Benson
I understand that you and he don’t get along.

Clowny
He’s a lousy clown! He’s not funny!

Agent Benson
But he is famous… and wealthy.


Clowny
He always goes for the easy jokes. The rubes will laugh at anything. He’s lazy, even for a red nose!

Agent Benson
You two have a history. But your careers seem to have taken different directions…

Clowny
So?

Agent Benson
I hear you’re pretty upset with him.

Clowny
Ah, he was always talking about crazy stuff. Like how clowns were going to take over the world and he’d the freakin’ king. He had some guy who knew somthin’ about somethin’ magic, or poison. I dunno… Stupid, and annoying as hell.

Agent Benson
And what did you say to that?

Clowny
(Laughing a bit)
I told him I’d look after his wife while he was busy!

Agent Benson
So you’re having an affair with his wife, are you?

Clowny
(Laughing a bit more)
Her? That’ll be the day. What are you so worked up about?

Agent Benson
Zu Zu is dead.

Clowny
What? Dead?!

Agent Benson
I think you had something to do with it.

Clowny
No way! He was a lousy clown, but an even worse card player. Why would I kill a guy that was giving me free money?

Agent Benson
Do you know anyone that might?

Clowny
It won’t be a red nose, they look after their own. Bet some white face done him in. I’m tellin’ ya, he’s been into some really weird stuff, really weird people…

(Benson remains on stage. Clowny exits, Mime enters and sits on chair for transition to Scene 4)
Scene 4
FBI Headquarters. Psychologist Gibson, Benson, and Mime. Gibson enters from the rear of the stage.

Psychologist Gibson
You don’t often ask for help during an interrogation.

Agent Benson
He’s a mime. I need a body language expert, and you’re the closest thing I’ve got.

(Benson and Gibson approach the suspect. The mime is sitting calmly in a high chair. Benson and Gibson take up positions on either side of the chair. All 3 face audience.)

Psychologist Gibson
I see what you mean. He’s quite agitated.

Agent Benson
Etienne… real name Larry Wilcox —


Psychologist Gibson
Sir, let’s leave the comments about Agent Benson’s mother behind us, if you please?

Agent Benson
Oh, you think you’re going to get to me today? Just because I like clowns? When and where did you murder Zu Zu?!

Psychologist Gibson
Eight days ago. Zu Zu came to your apartment?

Mime
(Nods his head once)

Psychologist Gibson
He attempted to intimidate you? Not the first clown that’s tried what?
I’m not going to repeat that. Please stick to the facts.

Agent Benson
Threats of violence don’t excuse murder.

Psychologist Gibson
And you disposed of the body a short time later? Because he said you knew what?

Agent Benson
What ‘what’?

Psychologist Gibson
Because your ancestor knew of a potion that could cause someone to laugh themselves to death?! You’re the last one who knows the formula?

Agent Benson
You’ll have to keep your secrets in the penitentiary now…

Psychologist Gibson
All part of the plan? What plan?

Mime
(Smiling sweetly now)


Psychologist Gibson
The day that mimes rule the world?!
I may be an Idiot, but I'm no Fool...
For Maura, 4/7/59-11/21/09... My Muse, my Heroine, my Editor, my Patron. All that I have achieved as a writer is because of her.