auxbuss wrote:Just a thought: "crown jewels" might be a useful euphemism for male genitalia here.

perfect thank you!

Thank you both, that's really very helpful. Just aiming for a punchy catchy opening, and no, there is loads of this story. I'm just redrafting. I liked what you said about the active / passive thing. Have reworked: On the morning of Ascension Day, the Fool worried. When one of the palace lions threw...

Hi all, I can't quite seem to get the opening paragraph of my fantasy novel right. Could you give me some feedback please? Many thanks in advance. :D On the morning of Ascension Day, the Fool was worried. When one of the palace lions threw up half a deer carcass on the Darnish carpet, he strongly su...