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by albatrossblue
Thu Feb 27, 2020 4:24 pm
Forum: Writer's Block
Topic: Feedback on opening paragraph please
Replies: 7
Views: 3243

Re: Feedback on opening paragraph please

auxbuss wrote:Just a thought: "crown jewels" might be a useful euphemism for male genitalia here.


perfect thank you! :D
by albatrossblue
Tue Feb 25, 2020 8:16 pm
Forum: Writer's Block
Topic: Feedback on opening paragraph please
Replies: 7
Views: 3243

Re: Feedback on opening paragraph please

Thank you both, that's really very helpful. Just aiming for a punchy catchy opening, and no, there is loads of this story. I'm just redrafting. I liked what you said about the active / passive thing. Have reworked: On the morning of Ascension Day, the Fool worried. When one of the palace lions threw...
by albatrossblue
Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:43 am
Forum: Writer's Block
Topic: Feedback on opening paragraph please
Replies: 7
Views: 3243

Feedback on opening paragraph please

Hi all, I can't quite seem to get the opening paragraph of my fantasy novel right. Could you give me some feedback please? Many thanks in advance. :D On the morning of Ascension Day, the Fool was worried. When one of the palace lions threw up half a deer carcass on the Darnish carpet, he strongly su...