How many fiction writers do we have here?

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Floss
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Thu Apr 25, 2013 6:51 pm Post

i don,t have a problem with the phrase ,came from money, of itself. i,m pretty comfortable with the idea that a pi might be able to tell from looking at a broad that she not only had money but also that she was born into it; that money and class was something received and not earned.

i,d be much more worried by ,came from old/new money,. how is someone supposed to tell just by looking at someone how their parents acquired the money? at that point i,d wonder if our pi wasn,t deluding himself with the first statement and it really *was* the name in the appointment calendar that was giving him this insight.
:€

Br
Briar Kit
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Thu Apr 25, 2013 6:52 pm Post

*scratches head*

Simple and discrete are adjectives.

Simply and discretely are adverbs.

But I agree with your point in general.

Why do all your apostrophes come out on the forum as commas?
Account closed January 2017

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Floss
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Thu Apr 25, 2013 6:58 pm Post

you can come down either side or the argument semantically. i think of them as misspelt adjectives, you think of them as misapplied adverbs. the outcome is the same.

re commas
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=13742&hilit=+commas#p99262
:€

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Fluff
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Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:11 pm Post

Briar Kit wrote:Why do all your apostrophes come out on the forum as commas?
KILL HIM CUS!!!! :shock: :evil:
Cus Fluff
PS beware semantic black holes cus :(
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Floss
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Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:14 pm Post

Fluff wrote:beware semantic black holes cus :(

identified, labelled, moved on.

Fluff wrote:KILL HIM CUS!!!! :shock: :evil:

i do feel like attacking something. :twisted:
:€

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Fluff
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Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:18 pm Post

Floss wrote:i do feel like attacking something.
I see you're honing your overstating skills. :D Like it cus :wink:
Cus Fluff
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Vi
Viking
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Tue Jun 04, 2013 6:12 am Post

Afternoon all,

Floss wrote:please do. i don,t post myself - my writing being restricted to felix and whiskers fan fiction - but in my role as a professional editor i do like to think my comments are helpful even if they aren,t always what the author wishes to hear. feedback is how we grow.


OK then. I've procrastinated about this long enough. Here's the introduction to the short story / novella / novel that's been kicking around inside my head for the better part of 12 years.

It's set in the Shadowrun world. (See http://www.shadowrun4.com for details of this role-playing game. I'm not going to try and explain it all here. Just go and read the timeline if you want to read the "history of the world" as it relates to the game.)

Oh, if the moderators think this should be moved to it's own thread or deleted, go right ahead.

V

Viking wrote:
It isn't easy to explain or describe what happened to me. Nor is it easy to explain why I made my decision. It would be a trivial effort to say that I had little choice in the matter, but that is a lie. I freely chose, of my own accord.

We were, as we say, very big on the whole "free will" thing.

Who am I?

That is a very interesting question. My name is but a label so that others may identify me.

What is this "I"?

Is it the mass of flesh, blood, muscles and bone? I think not - that is merely a home for me. So, to all intents and purposes, "I" am an ethereal entity that happens to be housed in a body of flesh and blood. Yet I am so much more than that - I am all the experiences I have had, all the knowledge I have gained, and I am also contained in the memories of every person I have ever dealt with. Greater philosophers than I have debated this very point since time began, and suffice to say, this is not the time, nor indeed, the place for such delightful philosophical discussions.

Let us carry on our conversation (if a rambling, one-sided monologue can be construed as conversation) of what happened to me, why, and where it has taken me.

I have many names (or 'labels', if you prefer), but you may call me 'Caine'.

Rei found my philosophical musings "quaint", teasing me as my stylus moved across the plastic screen, leaving electronic remains of my pondering.

Who was Rei? She was all things to me - my lover, my teacher, my student, my creator.

The tale I am telling has no clear starting point, no definitive nexus that I may point at and say "There! That is the start." So where shall I begin?

I could begin with a short history of the world, here in the second half of the 21st century. But the changes wrought after 2012 are recorded elsewhere - the rise of the mega-corporations, the multiple viral plagues that decimated the world's population, the destruction and pollution of the environment, the rise (some say return) of Magic, and last, but not least; the sudden and unexpected separation of the human species into five separate sub-species, with all the explosions of violence and racial hatred that accompanied them.

But I shall leave such documents to those who are best suited to writing them.

I could being my tale with an uneven reminiscing of my life, but I shall defer. What happened earlier in my life plays no part in this tale.

To help you understand me, to aid you in your exploration of my tale, I shall embark upon a small detour, to expand upon what I have said above.

I am what is called an 'Elf', one of the new sub-species of humanity. We are not as dreadful as the creatures described by Tolkien, nor are we the 'little people' as described in so many children's tales. Scientists have given us the taxonomy of 'Homo Sapiens Nobilis', although there is nothing terribly noble about many of us. On average, we stand about 1.9 metres tall, weigh between 65 and 75 kilograms, and usually have pale skin and very fair hair. Of all the 5 meta-species of humanity, we Elves are the most sensitive to Magic - which partly explains my traveling the painful and torturous path of becoming a Sorcerer.

Now that you have an idea of my physical appearance, and of the state of the world in which I live, I shall return to deciding where to begin my tale.

I think I shall begin in the crypt.

On the outskirts of nowhere,
On the ring-road to somewhere,
On the verge of indecision,
I'll always take the roundabout way.

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Floss
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Tue Jun 04, 2013 3:03 pm Post

if i was your editor, this entire passage would have a very big red line all the way through it.

i,m sorry to have to put it this bluntly, especially since the writing itself is fine, but it is all - every single word of it - irrelevant. hell, you even describe it as rambling yourself, right there in the middle of your prose.

a couple of things to remember...
1 - if you are writing a genre piece within an established world you do not need to world build. you can assume that anyone buying a shadowrun novel will be familiar with the concepts of shadowrun.
2 - the thing about background is that is exactly where it belongs... in the background. drop any such information in only as required and do it inbetween the bits of story-telling.

in short, don,t tell me ,,I think I shall begin in the crypt.,,
just begin there. i mean it. actually there. in the crypt.
not eight words earlier when you tell me ,,I think I shall begin in the crypt.,, but actually in the crypt.
not 623 words earlier either.

also, it is great that playing shadowrun has inspired you to tell your own stories. but here is the thing, books that tie-in to established media tend to be commissioned rather than bought. unless you already have a deal with the publisher, you are making it much harder that your writing will be elevated beyond fan fiction.

why not take the same basic premise and build your own world. you,ll do three things...
- improve your odds of publication
- reduce the amount of royalties you have to share with other people
- remove the constraints of fitting into someone else,s idea / world
:€

Vi
Viking
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Tue Jun 04, 2013 11:24 pm Post

Hi Floss,

My first thought was "Wow. That was f**king brutal." :shock: My second thought was "You have a damned good set of points there."

You've given me a lot to think about - most of which I hadn't even considered. I think that some rewriting is in order. Now all I have to do is find the time, motivation and inspiration to do so. :?

Thanks.

V
On the outskirts of nowhere,
On the ring-road to somewhere,
On the verge of indecision,
I'll always take the roundabout way.

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Juddbert
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Wed Jun 05, 2013 6:44 am Post

I do wonder sometimes whether the black 'n white feline fur-balls that stalk this forum are actually physical manifestations of a certain Stockport gentleman's left and right hemispheres.
:?
Can't write right. Don't care neither. Er...either.

Scrivener 2.5 on  OS 10.9

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Fluff
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Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:16 am Post

J Bedturd wrote:..of a certain Stockport gentleman's left and right hemispheres.
Master Bedturd, off-topicing, as we are all aware, is the unacceptable face of fora existence, however, the introduction of my human's testicles to the proceeding, :shock: is a disgusting step too far, and assists young Viking, not one jot!

Young Master Viking,
Cousin Floss' honest and constructive critique of you endeavour, leaves you with much food for thought, your enthusiasm in tact, and what's more important...stimulated. Go forth, young warrior, and do good...stuff!
Fluff
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Juddbert
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Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:57 am Post

Look, you furry fetid trollop, you're only allotted nine you know. Time for some target practice, methinks. :twisted:
Can't write right. Don't care neither. Er...either.

Scrivener 2.5 on  OS 10.9

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Fluff
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Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:10 am Post

Bert Judd wrote:Look, you furry fetid trollop, you're only allotted nine you know. Time for some target practice, methinks.
Now then, young Master Bertram, you know you don't really mean that, you're just a pussycat at heart, albeit a grumpy one :wink:
purrr purrr
Fluff
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Jaysen
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Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:38 am Post

Viking wrote:Hi Floss,

My first thought was "Wow. That was f**king brutal." :shock: My second thought was "You have a damned good set of points there."

That's the crux of it, isn't it? You've put lots of time and effort in to hear "uh yeah, lose everything except the idea, not do that idea right". You love the idea, but your efforts seem wasted. Your recognition, maybe acceptance is better, of the validity of the criticism shows that the effort is not wasted. Give it another shot and see where it lands. You now know a few things to avoid.
Jaysen

I have a wife and 2 kids that I can only attribute to a wiggle, a giggle, and the realization that she was out of my league so I might as well be happy with her as a friend. 24 years marriage later, I can't imagine life without her. -Me 10/7/09

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nom
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Wed Jun 05, 2013 12:29 pm Post

Viking wrote:Hi Floss,

My first thought was "Wow. That was f**king brutal." :shock: My second thought was "You have a damned good set of points there."

You've given me a lot to think about - most of which I hadn't even considered. I think that some rewriting is in order. Now all I have to do is find the time, motivation and inspiration to do so. :?

Thanks.

V


When it comes to writing, Floss terrifies me (even though she's a cat) because she has the direct no-mercy approach of, well, a cat. But if I wanted good, helpful, feedback on how to improve my writing, Floss is who I'd turn to (if I could afford her fees, which makes her feedback here all the better). The good bit is she said your writing is fine and she gave some great tips on reworking your overall idea to make it more publishable.

I hope that if/when she shreds my words with honesty there is someone who will remind me of how valuable that experience is. The honesty really is the best part of her feedback, much better than platitudes and empty praise.

Best wishes finding the time, motivation and inspiration. Looking forward to hearing updates. :)
Complete and utter NOMsense.
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